I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
