I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
