Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
