I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
