You made me cry and you don't even care
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I want to have your abortion
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
