the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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