About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
