if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
