OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
