yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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