We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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