I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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