No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize