Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
