you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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