Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
