Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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