she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
