Swine flu. Run for my life!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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