There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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