At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
