You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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