lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
