i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
