Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
