I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
