This is not my ceiling
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
