It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
