Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
