I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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