After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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