i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
