My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
