You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize