I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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