$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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