so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
