we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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