Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
