is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
