the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Randomize
