im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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