I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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