I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize