if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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