The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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