I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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