Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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