That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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