Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So vagazzling was a success
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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