I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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