Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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