Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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