I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
