I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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