I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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