I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
