One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
