I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
