She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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