Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
