I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
