i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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