TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize