My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
