just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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