i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
